I am a dreamer by heart. I fall in love with visions, ideas, and possibilities. I have this undying hope for the future, believing in the best that is yet to come. It is this nature of mine that keeps me strong, ambitious, and inspired to take on the present. At the end of the day, it’s what we have right in this moment that makes what is awaiting us days, weeks, months, years from now.
Part of my aspirations, aside from giving back to the family that raised me and being able to contribute for the betterment of others, are things about myself that I would like to change someday. To be honest, this is due to my personal insecurities; and I feel that having a successful career will also compensate for those areas where I fall short. I want to be a doctor with expert skills and compassion who is also a strong and independent woman of substance. My parents would always remind me that I will become the person I want to be and do what I want in due time if I work hard enough, and I agree with them. It’s the dreamer side of me that makes it all true.
They say that happiness does not require a precedent. Positive psychology rather tells us that happiness is a choice and once we choose to be happy, then that’s when everything else will follow. Indeed, this is a spirited, groundbreaking notion to consider. But with this entry, I’m admitting to myself that even if try to be happy by seeing to it that I pay attention to the things I am grateful for today, there’s still that itching sensation brought about by vague dissatisfaction I can’t seem to get rid of.
Am I truly grateful? Of course I am! The follow-up question is, am I grateful enough? The answer is still yes. I appreciate what I had and all that is left. But the dreamer in me continues to dream dreams for me, and they’ll never go away. I now think that maybe, those dreams are what I am truly made of. Maybe, what I see myself in the mirror is just a shell. This is probably where my restlessness is coming from. The mirage I clearly see while my eyes are slumbering at night is who I actually am inside, bursting to come out.
But she will only make herself a reality if given enough time.
I maintain a love-hate friendship with time. It can be a real enemy as much as it can be a real friend. But whether or not I find it a pleasant companion at the moment, time will give me and everyone else exactly what we need. In my case, I could only achieve my dream self by going with the rhythm of time. It’s giving me the chance to take it slow, improve on myself, and above all, sum up the courage to embrace my ideals and fuse myself with it at the finish line, while taking with me the good stuff from the past. By then, I shan’t be afraid to finally BE who I really am despite of what others may think.
I wouldn’t be surprised to be judged in the long run for better or worse, to receive comments that imply that I’ve become somebody else (It’s up to you to think of variations of this), but I shouldn’t break a sweat. Maybe by then, I have changed, but even after all this time, maybe haven’t. They just didn’t know me well enough. For now, I’m using my time to work, regardless of anything, until my dreams aren’t just dreams anymore. For in my dreams, a reality can be found: They can be reached, and nothing is going to stop me from doing so.